Scheduling

My child is officially three months old, and I am starting to think it is time to put her on a schedule and start enforcing it. However, with the habits that Lorelei has gotten used to so far, it seems that I will not be able to put her on a schedule unless I let her "cry it out" a little...something I have had mixed feelings about since before she was born.

Prior to now, we have been pretty much doing things on demand. After we got through that long and difficult time of nursing her every 1-2 hours (where she pretty much just slept in between,) I tried to start feeding her on demand so she could regulate her eating and my supply. Then I started to try the "eat, activity, sleep" thing, where I would feed her as soon as she woke up, try to keep her up for a while, then put her to sleep when she seemed tired. With a few exceptions, this had been working. However, she had only been taking her naps on my chest and in her swing, and every time I tried to lay her down, she would cry and wake herself up. At night she slept fine in her pack and play/bassinett thing, but almost always had to be nursed right before bed.

Now that my summer work-from-home jobs are starting, it is starting to be inconvenient that I can not give predictable times to get work done because she is napping. It is hard to set work hours when I could be tending to her any given hour of the day. Her frequency of eating and sleeping was pretty regular, but with different intervals. So here I am, trying to put her on a sort of "schedule," and also have her sleep in the pack and play (so I can eventually transfer her to the crib) for her naps.

So here is the plan: I am taking note of every time she eats and sleeps, noting the duration of the naps, for an entire week to see if a pattern emerges. With that, I will try to create some more solidified times of her eating and sleeping, with her still essentially leading the schedule (I am picking the times from her on-demand schedule, and then trying to narrow them down a little.) I am not sure if this will work, but hopefully it is worth a shot. I also gave in and swaddled her for a nap today (normally we just do that at bedtime,) and she actually slept for an hour and a half in her pack and play. I was so excited! Hopefully it will be easier to wean her from swaddling eventually, but for now, that is what works.

The hardest part of this schedule is the cry it out thing. Cry it out was something I was told you let babies do from a young age so that they do not learn "bad habits" or manipulate you when you are trying to put them on a schedule directed by parents. I was told this by family members, some friends, and a few well-meaning books. Then over my pregnancy, I joined a message board full of women who equated letting a baby cry it out to abandonment and would threaten to call Child Protective Services if someone posted that they let their under-4-month-old do it. I am not kidding. I found my own beliefs somewhere in the middle. I defintitely knew that my daughter has needs, especially as an infant, and crying is her only way to comunicate them. Especially with her eating issues, I had to follow her cues. However, if there came a time where I was doing something and I knew she was OK, I would let her cry for a few minutes. I also know that never enforcing some form of sleep training seems impractical, and babies under 4 months old can learn habits (maybe not life-changing ones, but hard-to-break ones.) While my newborn may have had some confusion if I did not respond to her cries, my 3 month old is not going to be scarred for life if I decide to start sleep-training her. She is becoming smarter and more interactive, and she knows now that I respond to her crying. If she is crying in her pack and play and I walk in and she immediately stops, I know she is not crying because she needs something. She just wants me around. And while I LOVE that my touch and my presence can calm her, I want to have some freedom to get other things done and for her to learn some form of self-soothing.

So here I am, faced with a dilemma. I do not want to be one who lets my little girl cry for 45 minutes straight until she falls asleep in exhaustion. I still think she is too young for that. I also do not want to be the mother of a three month old whose world entirely revolves around not only my baby's needs but her constant desire for comfort. Does that make me selfish or cruel? Am I putting my desires above my child's or am I helping her in the long run? I have seen friends on both ends of this spectrum, and both have different battles to face. I wish there was a right answer.

I am now seeking counsel from friends who I know have dealt with this. In the meantime, I am letting her cry in small intervals, and it is kind of working. For her nap, she cried for about three minutes, I went in to sooth her (without picking her up) and she fell right to sleep. Tonight at bedtime, she cried for about an hour WITH me holding her and trying to rock her into a drowsy state. I finally put her to bed and she cried again. After several tries from both Allen and I to soothe her (after each she cried as soon as we stepped away,) I came into the room to find Allen had unzipped her Woombie (swaddler,) was holding her hands and gently shaking the pack and play to "rock" her to sleep (which eventually worked.) So I guess tonight's "sleep training" was a fail? We will see what tomorrow brings.

Staying Home

I am sure most of my (few) readers know this by now, but I quit my job upon having Lorelei so that I could stay home with her. It was not a difficult decision; it was something I have always wanted for my family and my children and myself. But it was definitely something that I knew would challenge us. Before having Lorelei, I worked in the marketing department at a very corporate company. I worked the usual 40-45 hours a week and commuted almost an hour each way. While it was definitely not the type of job I saw myself in, I made great money for someone only a few years out of college and had great benefits, not to mention was gaining great experience. It was certainly humbling and a little scarey driving away from the building after giving my resignation, knowing the financial security that I had just walked away from. For several weeks, we were able to pretend that we still had two incomes. I got paid out vacation and we were pretty ahead of things. But this week, the inevitable happened: the fact that we are now a single-income family caught up to us, and it has made me anxious.



Allen and I have been generally wise with money, and have made provisions for this time, but it still was shocking to see on paper how hard it is to be a stay home mom in today's economy. But through it all, God is so kind and gracious, and I know we will be perfectly fine. God has blessed us so much. He gave me a husband who works harder than anyone I know, who has a great job. He goes above and beyond what is asked of him on a daily basis, and for the most part, has a cheerful heart and a love for his job that is rare today. He gets up early and works late to do what is best for our family, and when he gets home and is tired, he still has a huge smile on his face for Lorelei, a kiss for me, and still does the dinner dishes :-) I adore him!




Aside from that, God has already shown us so much encouragement. Every time I get discouraged, a dear friend says to me "Diana, you are doing God's will for your child by raising her and teaching her His truths. He is going to bless you!" I know He will too! Two summers ago, I was unemployed, and God had an uncanny way of providing the exact amount we needed at exactly the time we needed it, no more and no sooner. I am sure He will do the same again. He provided a great part-time work-from-home job for me that will start in the fall, which will give us just the little extra we need and help me to keep up in my skills. He also was gracious to make the time between my quitting my previous job and starting this next one a short as possible so that we were not tight for a long time.

We are learning a lot through this already. I have been learning to budget and meal plan and schedule better than I ever have in my life. Soon, I hope to learn to coupon and bargain shop better! I learned to cloth diaper to save money on baby necessities, and I actually really enjoy it! I am learning to be creative and make things that I want. We are also learning to pray very specifically for the things we need, and to thank God for all He has given us more regularly. Before this time, my prayer life was not that great, and God has been drawing us to Him and teaching us how much more peace we have if we take our cares to Him.



Even though at times I am anxious about the changes in our lives, I am really happier than I have ever been. I get to spend every day with the most precious and sweet girl in the world, who is continually showing me her funny personality. I may not be able to buy her tons of toys or fancy clothes, but I can pray with her all day, nurse her exclusively for as long as I want, read her stories in the middle of the morning, and have a buddy when I do (copious amounts of) laundry. I can go on playdates in the daytime and visit my grandmothers or someone from church who may need a smile. I can join a regular Bible study! We can go outside and walk around our yard, looking at the pretty things God made (I get to cook fun meals for my husband to come home to and learn how to be better at making my house pretty (ask my dad- I am not the world's best cleaner!) How could I not be thankful?



Sometimes I am a little sad about giving up my "career" so young. I am 23 and not really progressing toward any sort of advancement in Public Relations and Marketing. But then I remember that I am still "working," in what I think is one of the most honorable jobs in the world. I am a stay-home mother.