The Bottle

Lorelei is in our room with her daddy and he is trying to give her a bottle. I am trying to distract myself. She has not had a bottle since she was two weeks old, and because of all the nursing issues, I did not want to try to introduce one lest she decide to prefer it to me and get all confused. However, we decided to introduce one so that we can go out sometimes or so Allen can have a part in feeding her. It is not something that we intend to do every day or anything, and we are still going to fill it with breast milk...we just wanted her to be able to take it if it was ever necessary. Well Lorelei has other ideas.
I am starting to think maybe we waited a liiiittle too long because she cries every time someone tries to give her a bottle (someone other than me...I do not want her to associate me with it.) Allen has tried a few times, and each time she cries after she drinks a little, and then she starts coughing and not swallowing it well, so he gives her back to me to feed her. One time we left her with my mom and a bottle while we went out to dinner, thinking that maybe if I was totally out of the house she would take it, and we came home to her screaming and I had to promptly feed her as soon as I walked in the door. (Thankfully they had only tried it a few minutes before we got home.) We are trying to make it so her bottle feeding is as easy as possible; we got a bottle that is supposed to mimic the breast (so she has to work for the milk rather than it just pouring in and startling her) and I always leave the room so she can't even smell me. But she is just not digging it right now. As we speak, she is crying in the next room with daddy, but at least I think she is drinking a little...

I have to say, while I want her to have this bonding with Allen, it makes me really emotional. I LOVE being the sole giver of her food and love having her nurse on me, and I am still afraid that she will like the bottle more than me and decide not to nurse anymore. The first few times that we tried the bottle, I got really choked up and teary and was secretly kind of relieved when she did not want it...I know that is selfish, but it is how I feel. I don't mind that she is a momma's girl most of the time :-) She is my girl! Now if only she looked a little like me :-) Oh and tonight's bottle = fail. She is fed up and coming out to nurse now. Sigh. Guess we will try another day!

Here are my three favorite pictures from memorial day today:

Day to Day

I am so bad at writing things down. Sometimes I feel a pang of guilt that I don't know the exact date of her first smile (but who does, really...I mean when do you really know those little facial spasms are actual smiles,) or the first time the coo'ed rather than grunted. So this entry is to say what Miss Lorelei Rose is doing these days, at age 2 months, one week and four days:

I am trying to introduce some semblance of a schedule, while still sort of feeding on demand. The good thing is she tends to eat within the same hours every day, give or take a couple of feedings, and is normally in bed from 9/10ish til 4/5ish, then is asleep again til 8-10ish. During the day, I am trying to do an "eat, activity, sleep" thing as much as possible (though sometimes she does not feel that) and she takes about one (maybe two) good 2 hour naps a day (which is either in the morning or afternoon), and a bunch of little 20-45 minute ones. During activity time, I am trying to be more interactive.

Our activities consist of:
-having tummy time in front of a mirror (like any girl, her reflection can sometimes distract her long enough to keep her from melting down.)
-me laying on my belly with her so we can read together
-dancing to whatever I feel like putting on (which is normally something from the Glee sountrack or Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet.")...I am holding off on Baby Mozart and Kindermusik as long as I can ;-)
-her laying on her back on her activity mat staring at her mirror and randomly batting toys.


She smiles ALL the time now, normally when I am changing her diaper. In fact, normally whenever I look at her she breaks out in a ridiculous huge grin...and yet she does not really share that grin with others. As much as I love being that special someone to make her smile, I wish she would let others see it. Unfortunately, smiles for daddy are rare. We are working on that.


She coos now, also normally while I am changing her diaper. She makes these cute little gurling sounds that I love. Sometimes we have conversations about life and such.

She has occasional screaming fits, normally if she is really tired or her belly hurts or she is in pain (like when she decided to throw her head back against the wall one time as we were leaving her bedroom :-(.) They are very nerve-wracking and make me sad.

She has an adorable summer wardrobe and I wish it would stay warm so she can wear it!

She takes showers with me. I have a giant double shower which I put her tub in, and she just looks at the water and sticks her tongue out while I wash my hair. Then I was her and pick her up so the water can rinse her up. It is very relaxing.

She sucks her hands all the time, so much that I am often confused as to whether or not she is actually hungry.

She melts my heart regularly. I still can't believe she is my daughter and I get to spend every day with her. I love her so much!

Mothers Day

I had my first mothers day this past Sunday.
It was so strange...I felt like I was playing a character or a role in a play. I mean, I know I am a mother. But it was like I was a Mother with a capital M. People who I never speak to were wishing me a happy mothers day. I felt like I was in this special club, one that I felt so ill equiped for. I mean, I have been a mother for 2 months (Lorelei was two months exactly on mothers day) and there were women who have been mothers for years and years. So in my two months of motherhood, here is when I have most felt like a mother and what I learned.

When we were in the hospital and Lorelei was already having breastfeeding issues, we would pray for Jesus to bless our food before about every nursing session. I learned that praying with my child needed to start at birth.

When the doctors prescribed her formula when she was jaundiced and I insisted that I try to pump and feed her breastmilk first against their wishes, I learned that sometimes I knew better than the doctors for my child. (note- I have nothing against mothers who formula feed; I just wanted that to be a last choice for us, not what we went to right away when breastfeeding was not working.)

When Lorelei didn't gain weight and I had to nurse nonstop for weeks, trying different schedules and patterns, I learned that even if I dreaded it before, I would do whatever it took in the blink of an eye to make my baby better.



When Lorelei finally did gain a LOT of weight, I learned that I could be proud of us for working together, and that God would reward us for doing what we thought was best for her.

When she is asleep in her swing and I take her out just to cuddle her, I learn that it is OK to stop what I am doing just to snuggle with my baby. I only get to do it for so long.

When we sing and dance to Michael Buble and Journey instead of Baby Mozart, I learned that I can share what I like with her, and she loves sharing it with me.

When I watch my husband love her and kiss her and snuggle her, I learn that I can fall more in love with her daddy...and that is just as important as loving her, if not more.

When I decided to stay home with her, even though sometimes it does not make sense financially, I learned that making this sacrifice is the biggest gift I can give her, and that my husband can give me...and God will bless us for it.



When I spend some 10 hours a day alone with just her, doing laundry, watching tv shows and cuddling on the couch, I learned that she is already becoming my best friend and we do not need to be constantly entertained.

When a dear friend had a baby two weeks apart from us and we started going on weekly playdates, I learned that mothers need support and empathy SO much.

When I watch my mother love my daughter, her granddaughter, I learn that she is my biggest example of a mother. I learn that sometimes I still need my mother.

When she bumped her head today and I wanted to cry, I learned that I will always want to make it all better and hate seeing my baby in pain (she is fine, by the way)

When we started reading together at bedtime, I learned that even though she can't understand the words, she needs to hear them.



When she cries and my touch instantly calms her, I learn that sometimes mommy is all she needs and I need to give that to her as much as I can.

When she started smiling at me, I learned that was the biggest treasure of my day, one that I looked forward to and tried to coax all day long.

And when she started doing it all day long, I learned I would never get tired of it.

Everytime I look at her face, I know that she is one of my biggest blessings and greatest sources of joy. Being a mother is a beautiful job, one that is created by God and that God, and no man, can hire. I am so honored to be Lorelei's mother, and to learn so much from her already.

Smile

And this makes it all worth it.


I adore her.