It was so strange...I felt like I was playing a character or a role in a play. I mean, I know I am a mother. But it was like I was a Mother with a capital M. People who I never speak to were wishing me a happy mothers day. I felt like I was in this special club, one that I felt so ill equiped for. I mean, I have been a mother for 2 months (Lorelei was two months exactly on mothers day) and there were women who have been mothers for years and years. So in my two months of motherhood, here is when I have most felt like a mother and what I learned.
When we were in the hospital and Lorelei was already having breastfeeding issues, we would pray for Jesus to bless our food before about every nursing session. I learned that praying with my child needed to start at birth.
When the doctors prescribed her formula when she was jaundiced and I insisted that I try to pump and feed her breastmilk first against their wishes, I learned that sometimes I knew better than the doctors for my child. (note- I have nothing against mothers who formula feed; I just wanted that to be a last choice for us, not what we went to right away when breastfeeding was not working.)
When Lorelei didn't gain weight and I had to nurse nonstop for weeks, trying different schedules and patterns, I learned that even if I dreaded it before, I would do whatever it took in the blink of an eye to make my baby better.
When Lorelei finally did gain a LOT of weight, I learned that I could be proud of us for working together, and that God would reward us for doing what we thought was best for her.
When she is asleep in her swing and I take her out just to cuddle her, I learn that it is OK to stop what I am doing just to snuggle with my baby. I only get to do it for so long.
When we sing and dance to Michael Buble and Journey instead of Baby Mozart, I learned that I can share what I like with her, and she loves sharing it with me.
When I watch my husband love her and kiss her and snuggle her, I learn that I can fall more in love with her daddy...and that is just as important as loving her, if not more.
When I decided to stay home with her, even though sometimes it does not make sense financially, I learned that making this sacrifice is the biggest gift I can give her, and that my husband can give me...and God will bless us for it.
When I spend some 10 hours a day alone with just her, doing laundry, watching tv shows and cuddling on the couch, I learned that she is already becoming my best friend and we do not need to be constantly entertained.
When a dear friend had a baby two weeks apart from us and we started going on weekly playdates, I learned that mothers need support and empathy SO much.
When I watch my mother love my daughter, her granddaughter, I learn that she is my biggest example of a mother. I learn that sometimes I still need my mother.
When she bumped her head today and I wanted to cry, I learned that I will always want to make it all better and hate seeing my baby in pain (she is fine, by the way)
When we started reading together at bedtime, I learned that even though she can't understand the words, she needs to hear them.
When she cries and my touch instantly calms her, I learn that sometimes mommy is all she needs and I need to give that to her as much as I can.
When she started smiling at me, I learned that was the biggest treasure of my day, one that I looked forward to and tried to coax all day long.
And when she started doing it all day long, I learned I would never get tired of it.
Everytime I look at her face, I know that she is one of my biggest blessings and greatest sources of joy. Being a mother is a beautiful job, one that is created by God and that God, and no man, can hire. I am so honored to be Lorelei's mother, and to learn so much from her already.
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