Last year, I definitely felt like a "real mother." Lorelei was two months old and we went through our share of struggles. But it was still very new to me, and I felt like a "newbie" in a special club. Now, I am not saying with a 14 month old I am this expert now. By no means! In fact, every day I am more aware of how selfish and inexperienced I am. God's grace is so beautiful and so applicable to motherhood. Nothing I do wrong could make Him see anything but Jesus when He looks at me. I am that covered by His grace. And likewise, no matter how much I screw up, no matter how sub par I am at this mothering thing, Lorelei still looks at me with adoring eyes, clings to my leg, and cries out "Mama! Mama! Mama!" with a grin on her face. I know that someday, far too soon, she will look at me with a critical eye and be embarassed by things I say or how I dress, but for now, I love being her best friend.
And likewise, being a mother helps me to look at my own mother with new eyes. I don't remember any times I was angry for getting in trouble when I was little, or any of the silly things that I got annoyed at when I was a teenager, but I remember that my mother was always present, always there for me, and always giving of herself. I hope and pray that I can be so selfless with my time and talents as Lorelei grows, and that she always remembers me being there. And now, as a new facet of motherhood was bestowed on her as a grandmother, she is even more beautiful. I love how she acts like a total nut for my kid, and Lorelei adores her for it. Whenever my mom comes to see Lorelei, even if she just saw her the day before, my mom gives her the most excited greeting ever, and Lorelei lights up like the sun. We kicked off mother's day with a bang this year by trekking to the Flower Market, observing a tradition that I used to have when I was small. My mom pushed her around in the stroller, sat with her knees up to her ears in a pint-sized car ride, and bought us ice cream cones and petting zoo tickets. My mom, my daughter, and me- a complete circle, loving life.
And I couldn't write a mother's day post without honoring my incredible mother-in-law as well. Even before there was a ring on my finger, my husband's mother made me feel like a daughter. She has always been one of the most welcoming and serving people I have ever met, and always made me feel like I was one of the family. I know many other non-blood-related people who feel the same way. Her house is truly like another home to me, and I love that I can just go there with Lorelei to enjoy her delicious food, company, and gorgeous yard. I love watching her love Lorelei so much, and love how observant she is to Lorelei's needs. Not to mention the fact that my husband is the sweetest, most hard-working, most respectful person in the world is a great testimony to what an incredible mother he has. I know he learned so much who what makes him the wonderful man that I love from her. I am so so thankful that I married into a family where I can share her.
(Lorelei loving Meme's flowers)
It has been a long year since the first mother's day, and I feel like God has grown me so much. I have seen temper tantrums and first steps. I have endured a choking scare and an ER visit. I have heard real words uttered from her lips and still thrive on the sounds of her giggles. I went through times where I had to defend my wishes for her, even if it made me look like a control-freak, and times where I had to kick back and acknowledge that my kid is going to eat dirt or paper or poop and still be OK. I have want to watch her learn things like how to swim, how to dance, how to bake bread, how to color in the lines. How to read books. How to take pictures. How to bless others. How to love Jesus.
Oh, what a wonderful calling this is.
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