I should be sleeping now. It is 1am and I need to be up in three and a half hours to feed the little one (at the maximum...she could decide to get me up sooner!) But besides the fact that I am not too tired, I found that I just can't stop watching her. I love to watch her sleep, in awe that she is mine. The way her little cheeks smush against whatever she is laying on. The way she often manages to get one arm up by her face (like she had in half of her ultrasounds.) The way she spits out her paci and purses her lips, bottom lip sticking out like a pout. The way she makes little grunting noises that make me think she is waking up, and then she doesn't. Often I put her in her swing to sleep during the day, so that I can get some things done...and then end up taking her out after too much time has past because I just miss snuggling with her. I love to watch her sleep in her co-sleeper, in her swing...but most of all in my arms, her little cheeks smushed against my chest. She sleeps best on me, it seems, and I am so honored to be the one who gives her that comfort and security. I can't believe God gave me the great joy of being the mother of Lorelei Rose. I positively adore her and praise God every day for her. Thank You, Father, for blessing Allen and I with this little piece of sunshine. Even when it is hard and we have our fussy days or weeks, even when we struggle with nursing, my heart still praises You for her. I will never deserve her. We are so blessed.
To update on last week, Lorelei has gained five ounces. The doctors are satisfied with that, but I need to keep up the frequent feedings. So I am feeding her a minimum of 12 times a day and hoping that she is able to learn to nurse better so she eats longer. She still eats in these little spurts very frequently, so I do not feel comfortable spreading her daytime feedings out more, and neither does the doctor. We need to get her to a place where I can go by her schedule, but for now I need to stick to a rigid, clock-based schedule. But I will gladly do whatever it takes to keep my little one nourised and to do it by exclusively nursing as long as I can. God has blessed me with the ability to bond with my little girl in this way and I intend to use it as long as He will allow.
It is really late now so I am going to try to sleep. And while I try to sleep, I listen to the sounds of my sweet daughter breathing and stroke her soft cheek when she stirs. It's ok. You can be jealous of me :-)

the photo was taken when she was about 1 week old. it is one of our favorites.